The Rearrangement

Some people must be confused by the title of my blog. Okay, now I'd like to explain, why do I choose 'The Rearrangement' as the title.

I bet sometimes, you feel that nothing seems fine in and on your life. And you always want to change your life, make it better. Then, you decided to change your life.
You keep saying "I'm changing my life to be better!" but inside, you still haven't change. Why? Simply, you don't know how to change it.
Try to rearrange things around you. Your habits, your egos. Rearrange, doesn't mean change who you used to be. Rearrange means arranging the better you.




Start from the simple daily things (activities) in my life. My mom always tells me to do things. Sweep the floor, mop the floor, wash the clothes. Then, there's one thing my mom ALWAYS tells me. "Don't be LAZY!" okay, I always hate it when she says so. *Sorry mom, no offense* Every time she says those words, I feel like "Geez, mom. Can you give me a rest?" I know that I've done few things, but I still need a rest. And I also know you've done many things. I really want to help you, but I swear, I'm tired and I need a rest.

And other thing, my mom say "Don't forget to do that!" while I'm doing 'that' thing. "Mom, do you see what I'm doing now?" or "Come on, mom! I have done that thing!" *no offense, I hate it!* It always makes me don't even want to do a thing.
But, I just realized, every words that she say, it does mean a thing. A simple hidden thing that you would never realized. Every words that she say makes you learn about life. You'll find the answer by yourself. :)
When she scream and mad at you, just listen. Don't mumble. Just listen. Believe me, someday, you'll know what does it mean.

I know, I know, we always think, "Mom, why don't you understand me? Even just once?". Me either. But, do you ever thought that your mom does think "Why don't you understand me as your mom?". You don't know that our mom always do the best for us, do you? You don't know how much blood she had lost when she born you, do you? You don't know how much money she has spent for you, do you? There's so much more you don't even know about your mom. Me neither. Why don't we start to understand our mom first? I used to want to be understood by my mom, and now, I'll rearrange my life. I'll try to understand her first. Who's with me?

Now, let's start to talk about our dad. :)
My dad usually says things repeatedly, like "Don't forget to do that. U need to do blablablabla." and I was like "Oh My Gosh, Dad. You don't have to say it on and on. I've got it. I'm doing it again and again everyday. Daily. It's a must. And I know how to do it. You don't need to tell me round and round." I felt like a baby. I'm not joking. I hate it. *no offense* But I realized, that's how he cares of me. He just scared that I'm doing the wrong things.

Most of dads always look so cool. They keep quiet and act like they don't care.
But, inside, they do really care. Once, my dad said "I'll get what you've ever dreamed. I promise." that's really made me relief. :') Thanks,dad. <3
Do you ever realize that dad spend his money just for your mom, you, your brothers and sisters. All he cares about is his family. He doesn't even really care about himself.
And from now on, I'll try to care about him. :)


Now, I'll tell you what I'm heading now. I'm in the situation that I've never dreamed, even not in my wildest dream. I keep screaming, telling everybody, "I HATE MY LIFE NOW". I cried, I didn't even spend my time to laugh or smile.
I went through the days with miseries, without enjoying a thing.
And last night, I realized. I've decided to change my life, but I forgot to rearrange some things.

I felt like I was more stupid each day, no I don't. i just forgot how to be smart.
I felt like I have no basics in things I do. There's no problem. I just forgot how to study things from the very first.
I felt like I didn't have any happiness anymore. No I don't. I still have my family, and my best friends. Who always stay right next to me.
I felt like I couldn't reach for what I've ever dreamed anymore. I was wrong. I still have thousands of hours to reach it.
I felt like I'm useless. Just let my parents spent money on me to study while I don't even understand a thing. And again, I was wrong. They got me study to learn to understand.
I felt like nothing seemed just fine. I was totally wrong. Everything WILL be just fine!
And now, I'm here to prove, I'll rearrange my life!
But keep in my style, LAZY. Come on, LAZY IS MY STYLE. I'm keeping it in :)

Started today, I promise, I start rearranging my life.
No more tears, no more miseries. Just enjoy.
Even I don't like or love, but I'm trying to. I promise, I'll make my life better.
I promise, I'll do the best in every ways.
Remind me if I turn on the wrong way.. ;)

I wrote this, because sometimes writing is easier than having chat face by face.
So, I love you, Mom, Dad. Even I don't encourage to say it directly to you.
Why don't you try rearranging your life?

*I'm trying to improve my English here, so please don't bother with my English. Tell me if I got wrong in grammar or spelling, even vocabulary :)*